“All hands on me!” All right, I understand why you might think polyamory is narcissistic, especially since Narcissism seems to be the obsession of the moment, and we all go down that road. If something seems remotely selfish, we brand it with the big N-word.
But is polyamory narcissistic? Let’s dive in!
According to Psychology Today, Narcissism is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, a need for excessive admiration, and a belief that one is unique and deserves special treatment.
This is a short and general answer, but it contains all the important information we need to debunk this myth that roams the Internet like the ghost of – jealous – past lovers.
Let’s dissect this frog:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
It’s virtually impossible to speak for every polyamorous person on the planet, and sure, you might find someone with this typical 21st century trait, but in general, polyamorous people are genuinely interested in how their partners are feeling; because you can’t have a relationship like this without taking a step back and listening to each other’s needs.
- Lack of empathy for others
With that level of “jerkiness” (my gosh, is that even a word?), you wouldn’t get very far. Knowing and respecting your partners’ boundaries is what makes or breaks a polyamorous relationship.
- Need for excessive admiration and a belief that one is unique and deserves special treatment.
Who doesn’t?!
But seriously, again, not a good fit for this kind of relationship. Not one that lasts, anyway.
Polyamorous relationships are very mature in themselves, or at least they require a very mature approach.
As mentioned above, these kinds of relationships are about getting everyone in the same boat. It’s about being deeply sensitive to each other’s feelings, needs, doubts, and insecurities.
So, no, polyamory isn’t narcissistic. It could not be, even if it tried. The person who collects lovers left and right regardless of their feelings has a harem, not a relationship.
Being the person who gets everything without giving something back won’t get anyone very far in a polyamorous relationship, or in any, for that matter.
Now you have read this far and you are either reluctant to believe me, happy that I have cleared this up for you, or you are still feeling guilty.
Tell me, is that why you are here, darling? Do you want a polyamorous relationship for yourself and you are afraid of being narcissistic because you want it all for yourself alone?
If I have hit the nail on the head, please know that you have come to the right place. In fact, I am confident in saying that you have come to the only safe online space for this topic. We here can teach you how to overcome this guilt because, believe it or not, having a sexual relationship outside of your emotional one is your birthright as a woman, not narcissism.
Wait, what?
You read that right. And we call it Fusion Polyamory.
“Fusion Polyamory is built on the foundation of Female Primacy, where women are inherently the dominant gender because they alone can bring another life into this world, and with it goes sexual privilege.” Another pillar of Female Primacy is that it is irrefutable that all of us start out in the womb as female and “maleness” gets added a bit later and while necessary (and sometimes irresistible), men are merely the match to a woman’s bonfire of procreation!
We firmly believe that you can have both: the love of your life, faithfully by your side, and a lover or two to satisfy your needs without being unfaithful. And by asserting that right, you will not become the dreaded N-word. I promise you that.
It is easy for us to perceive ourselves as bad and devious for pursuing our desires, our dreams. That’s what the society we’ve built has created. These narratives have caused us to believe that we are wrong, evil, selfish, narcissistic?
But you are not, you are a perfectly normal, loving woman who happens to have a stronger connection to the wild woman that lives in all of us.
I hope I have been able to ease your mind and heart with these words of ancient wisdom, proven science and good feminine support.
If you are interested in this topic and want to know how to tap into this new and free form of relationship, grab our e-book on Amazon and learn more.
And also, come back anytime, I am a good listener and I am not ashamed of who we are!
What It Really Feels Like: Navigating Emotions in a Mono-Polyamorous Relationship
It is exhausting to be a woman in a society that will never let us win.
No matter how hard we try, every single step we take is wrong, so the idea of sexual freedom is scary, to say the least.
We like to think we have that freedom, but we don’t.
We have fought for our place in the world, we have fought to be taken seriously. We have fought for the right to become men, and we have. But we still don’t have the same privileges. Especially when it comes to sexuality.
And if you’re a mother on top of that, oh gosh, forget it. No chance.
So yes, being mono-polyamorous can be hard to accept. It makes us different, and being different is always a bit dangerous.
We run the risk of being cast aside, left alone. We risk being shamed, called out.
In our fantasies, the possibility of living such a wild life is exciting. We feel powerful, like we can rule the world, but bringing that woman out and acting on that power is a whole other story; we haven’t been taught how to do that and we have to take the baby steps.
So, yes, when you make that decision and are brave enough to go forward with it, you may find yourself in a situation of self-blame and self-shame, or you may feel dirty once the excitement wears off.
This is a journey, and every journey has its breathtaking views and bumpy roads. You should not beat yourself up if you feel bad about it, because feeling bad about sexual freedom is your conditioning, and we cannot just wipe away hundreds of years of oppression.
When you find yourself in that situation of giving up and going back to the status quo, just go inside and have a deep and honest conversation with that part of you that wants to run away and give her what she needs. Listen, don’t ignore her; she just wants you to be safe.
Stay with this fearful part of you for a while, be the big girl and reassure her that you are in charge now and that you know what you are doing. You are making decisions for both of you now.
I know how that sounds, but deep down you know that I am right: none of us is just one person, we are fragmented and every part of us is right about something. Ignoring the fears will only make them bigger, so lean in, cry a little, give yourself some love.Be honest. Honesty is the foundation of any successful relationship, including the one we have with ourselves. If you know you’re polyamorous, take the time to doubt, then take a shower, put on your favorite clothes, red lipstick and go back to the jungle.
I hope this helped.
And remember: I’m here for you, if you need an anonymous friend who knows what you’re going through, don’t hesitate to write me.
